When I need you.

My greatest mentor once told me that "when you build your friendships, keep in mind that these are people you are going to need in your future, treat them like you would a garden." 

I need you guys to remember this while I tell my story.

A long time ago while I was competing for past pageants, I had a hard time fitting in because of my stature and being the new girl didn't help either. I tried to make friends, but was super intimidated. When I reached out, many times girls were incredibly helpful, but there were a few who would boldly make it a point to not even acknowledge me. They would ignore me, ask me embarrassing questions, act better then, and so fourth. 

10 years later after many invites to parties, events and social gatherings I started to notice a pattern. Every time this particular person would reach out, it was generally to gain some kind of self gratification or something which wouldn't involve a collective collaboration. A recent conversation asked about the coordination of a fitness competition, in which the details they wanted from me were not understood, so I offered a consulting fee. Seems like the proper thing to do since I was working. 

From that I gained a full understanding of what passive aggressive behavior was and was subliminally told that I had terrible character and a terrible life. 

I didn't take it personally, but for someone who only contacts me when they need me for something and doesn't build any fruitful relationships; I'm kinda confused as to who has the terrible life and terrible character.

Referring back to what my mentor had said, gardening your relationships has to do with pulling out the weeds as well as feeding and watering your flowers. Take care of the friends that make your life beautiful, not the ones who are the pest.

Waiting for Changes

"So, how long do you think it will be until I see a change?"

I can remember asking my mentor this exact question when I made a lifestyle change about 7 1/2 years ago.

And, now that I am a personal trainer and a coach, I get asked this question quite often by clients who want to lose weight, gain strength, or just look better. Many times, I can look in to my clients eyes and see that they are wishing for something instant. But when I tell them that there's no instant change, only hard work and dedication, I see despair in their eyes and the actions necessary to achieve their goals disappear.

Do you know how long it has taken for me to notice a difference in how I feel, how I look, and how I carry myself? Roughly seven years. That's right, until very recently I didn't see, feel or think there was a difference. But other people did. Even though I didn't see the change, others did. You will always be the last person to see the change, because you are always going to be hardest on yourself; want more for yourself. And because you only see the little improvements, while they see all those little improvements stacking together, making big changes.

And regardless of who saw it first, the change happened. But it didn't happen over night, it didn't happen in two weeks, a month, (okay I think you got the point). It took time and a lot of little actions, little changes, all of them necessary, in order to get to where I want to be. There is no secret sauce, miracle workout... Just little actions stacked together.

My First National Show

Just recently I had the opportunity to compete in the NPC National Show. Of those who take the time to look at my life, many would say that I took to long to compete; but for me it was the perfect time. Yes, it took me five years to get to the national stage, but I finally did it. I reached my goal. Every experience was worth it, every new friend I made along the road was one more supporter. Every mentor that guided me there, and my sponsor ProFight, for helping me fight my way there.

Looking back on it now, my trip to Vegas was fruitful. Because I don't have the financial backing up most athletes do, I found a quiet little hotel just off the strip. Maybe, 45 bucks or so at night. Most will say it was seedy, but it worked perfectly - as my tanning appointment was at that exact same hotel. I also packed all of my food: the thought of wasting my hard earned paychecks to pay for food, kind of drove me crazy. So I packed unsalted canned vegetables, hard-boiled eggs, and chicken, with microwavable rice. Essentially, I wanted to find a way to keep the calories on without eating garbage. I was actually more surprised at the fact that all that food went through check in at the airport.

Every morning before showtime I would get up, do a form of plyometrics, or some kind of activity to keep my muscles pumped because there was a crappy gym at my hotel. I don't care though, I came because I finally reached my goal. And I wanted to be the best that I could.

At prejudging, I felt like I finally arrived. My husband and my client both came out to support me, and it felt like I was meant to be there. Everyone was incredibly nice, helpful, and nobody was as carb depleted as I thought.

I did notice most of the girls in the bikini division all had their coaches with them or some sort of team. I'll be honest, I didn't have either. But what I did have, was the same desire and drive to be there. My team was a family that I built within my community of friends. My coach was my husband telling me that I am good enough, and have every right to there, even when I doubted myself.

Moving onto finals, I found myself chatting with most of the crowd while I was hanging out at the ProFight booth. It felt almost surreal, like a dream I was going to wake up from any minute. And it absolutely went by far too fast.

Once they had all the bikini girls onstage, I knew I wasn't going to get picked for even a top 10 spot. There was no way. I wasn't even looked at. How did I know? I stared at every judge in their face, and not one of them made eye contact. Either way, the feeling that I had up there being compared with some of the top bikini models in the nation, still made me feel pretty good.

I would do that experience again, as a matter fact I will continue to compete until I'm unable to compete any more.

A huge thank you, again, to NPC for putting on a great show at the USA's in Vegas; thank you to Muscle Contest for voting me to get to a national show; a massive thank you to ProFight for being a spectacular sponsor and supporting my journey; and I couldn't have done any of this without my supporting husband and my team of friends and family who continue to support my dreams.