B&W Photo: 12 years old
Color Photo: Photo Credit Pinky Photography
From
the very beginning as a little girl, women can all relate that we sometimes
didn’t feel right in our skin. As a young girl, I was forced to were stupid
dresses and have my hair a certain way. But when looking at my brothers, they
slapped some jeans on and went on their way. I was told how cute I looked, and
how cute my dress was. I would blush thinking to myself, “My brothers don’t get
talked to this way.” I don’t think I was thinking feminist thoughts, I was
thinking I was no different than my brothers. It wasn’t until recently which I
read an article posted by a friend of mine on FaceBook, talking about how we
influence little girls when we talk to them. Then it hit me, girls are molded
to be something before they can even decide who they are.
As
a model, I have always been made aware of my body image whether I liked it or
not. When I first started modeling at the age of 12, I went to ‘Dorothy Shreve,
Modeling and Talent Agency and School’, based out of Palm Springs. Dorothy was
a great teacher; she not only taught the 101 in modeling, but also the ways to
conduct yourself as an intelligent young woman. I was told that I never sit up
straight, and that my posture was that of an annoyed teenage boy. I didn’t know
how to use a place setting at a dinner table; she told me how important it was.
She had also mentioned to me to pay attention in school, I just wanted to
model. How I finally understand her now…
Skinny,
awkward, and gangly, I still hated myself growing up. I wanted to hide in my
shell when I was out in public or at school. I hated hearing how skinny I was
and that I always should eat something. As a teenager, I ate everything.
Anything, if it was moving I ate it. I can remember one year a girl saying to
me, “Evina, your actually gaining weight, your legs actually are kinda
jiggling. Or it could be the loose skin on your bones.” I could remember
thinking to myself, “Why is my body important? I just want to have friends who
don’t judge me.” I went on with my school days wondering, ‘why me?’
Now
I know, ‘Why Me?”. I know that I was brought here through my struggle with my
weight, both disorders and not, that I am here to bring up a topic every woman
wants to debate or conquer. Through my years, I have learned to love myself no
matter how weird I look. I have never really put someone in a corner and mirrored
their weight in their face as a defining moment. I want to tell women out there
that you don’t have to be blonde, skinny, black, curvy, or have a million
operations (exaggerating) to feel pretty and sexy. You can be anything as long
as you set your mind to it.
As
a woman, I have felt anger every time someone has pointed out my thin frame and
discredit their own body because they don’t look like me. Body image is our own
inside job, our own insecurity; it belongs to you, not someone else. Now being
in the fitness industry, the first thing I tell the women I work with is, “Your
goal is not to look like me, and it’s to look and feel like a better you.” When
I talk to women, I want to empower them… I don’t want them to feel less than,
women are not. I have crossed many women who have lifted me up and threw me
down, and the ones who have lifted me up are the ones who I keep.
With my experience now, I have
learned that beauty is not souly dependent on what is on the outside of us, nor
is it our body type, the diets we eat, or how we do our makeup, those are just
accessories. Since I have started going back to school to finish my B.A., I
have never felt this sexy and powerful in my life. I encourage women
everywhere, to crack open a few books once and a while, take a class or two and
take something you would never take in your life. Go to a library and sit
quietly while picking up a book you have never read before. Stop reading ‘Fifty
Shades of Grey” and pretending it’s you and go out and live a little. Call your
girlfriends up and gossip… its ok we all do it. Take a walk, a hike, a bicycle
ride, take a chance.
